I wrote this story in Japanese, and it was translated into English with the help of AI.
I’ve been having strange dreams lately. I’m definitely myself—but in the dream, I’m also someone else. A different version of me.
In that world, which feels so unlike this one, I’m a warrior. Brave and powerful. Though I’m still a woman, I fight terrifying monsters with incredible physical strength.
The first time I had the dream, I woke up just before I was sliced in half.
“That was scary…”
Even though it was winter, I was drenched in cold sweat. My body trembled, not from the cold, but from fear. I was so shaken that I couldn’t fall back asleep, too scared that the same dream would come again.
But it did.
And this time, it continued right where it had left off. I wasn’t cut in two. At the very last moment, a man saved me.
Though I was grateful, in the dream, I spat out sharp words at him:
“I could’ve dodged it myself. You just got in the way.”
He didn’t get upset. He just smiled.
Which somehow made me even more irritated.
His name was Zagan. He looked about the same age as me—well, the dream version of me. He was tall, handsome, and his smile had this refreshing charm.
And yet, the me in the dream didn’t see him as a potential love interest at all, even though he was my type in every way.
“What a waste… he’s such a good guy…”
I muttered that to myself upon waking.
Zagan wasn’t just kind to everyone—he was kind specifically to me. That’s important. Guys who are nice to everyone? I don’t trust them. They always come off as womanizers.
There’s a guy like that at my workplace. He’s handsome too, and in the beginning, he was actually helpful with work.
But eventually, it became clear—he lives for the attention of all the girls. It was exhausting.
Since breaking up with my college boyfriend, I haven’t dated anyone in years.
But to be honest? I kind of like it this way.
Falling in love turns me into a mess. I get overly sensitive about everything my partner does, obsess over my looks, spend too much on makeup, and pour time into shaping up. I want to accept everything about them, and yet… I become clingy. A total pain.
So right now, I feel free~!
I did love my ex. But he fell for someone else. I sulked for over two years, being the worst version of myself.
But I’m past that now—completely free~!
I don’t hold any grudges. He made me feel loved and happy while we were together, and I truly hope he’s happy too.
The dreams that once frightened me have become something I secretly look forward to.
In them, I speak my mind clearly, without holding back.
I don’t bottle things up.
And yet, the dream-me, the warrior version of myself, is always thoughtful of others. I’ve grown to really love that version of me.
If only I could be like that in the real world. But reality doesn’t work that way.
I don’t want to come off as inconsiderate. And I’m naturally a peace-loving person.
Still, lately… I can’t stop thinking about Zagan. Even after I wake up, the fact that he’s not there makes me feel incredibly lonely.
Maybe it’s because he’s always kind to Isna—the dream version of me.
They met six years ago, working together to slay monsters. Back then, Isna was disguised as a man.
I don’t know why, exactly. I only know what she knows—I only see the thoughts that surface in her mind.
At first, Isna was wary of Zagan, perhaps even a bit hostile. But he was friendly to her from the start.
Eventually, Isna warmed up to him as a friend. But then, her secret was revealed—she was actually a woman.
Female mercenaries who hunt monsters are extremely rare in that world. She was at risk of losing her job.
But Zagan spoke up for her, saying she was the best warrior he knew.
Thanks to him, she was able to keep working.
Now, they’re part of a four-person team.
Zagan’s feelings for Isna are obvious.
But Isna pretends not to notice.
Or maybe… maybe she’s starting to feel the same way.
It’s like my own feelings for Zagan are leaking into her.
“So jealous… If it were me, I’d accept Zagan’s feelings in a heartbeat. I wish I could be the one…”
Someone like Zagan… I feel like I could lean on him. I feel like he wouldn’t mind if I depended on him.
I want him to hold me gently, stroke my hair, and tell me:
“You’ve been doing great on your own.”
“I’ll stay by your side, always.”
I miss him.
Even though he doesn’t exist in this world.
At least in the dream, I wish I could lean on him.
But Isna would never do that. She’s too strong. Too proud.
Even if I could lean on him in the dream, it would be her, not me.
And that just makes my loneliness worse.
It makes me feel like I’ll never truly fall for anyone in the real world again.
I used to think I didn’t need a boyfriend.
But lately… winter feels colder than it used to.
I want to meet Zagan in real life.
I want him to see me.
To hold me in his arms.
No matter how much I wish for it… it’s impossible.
It’s like I’m trapped in some dramatic teenage fantasy.
One morning, I woke up feeling absolutely awful.
My heart was pounding out of control, my entire body tense with fear.
Because that night, I had seen Isna’s past.
She had been so innocent—around ten years old, and truly beautiful.
But her cruel parents had abandoned her.
Apparently, that wasn’t so unusual in her world.
She was about to be hurt by a group of adult men.
They had already touched her.
In desperation, she snatched a sword from one of them and slashed at them wildly.
She was struck down by one of the men.
But just in time, an old man passing by saved her.
That man became a father figure to her. He knew martial arts, and he taught her everything he could.
At first, Isna didn’t trust him.
But she threw herself into learning, with everything she had.
Still, the old man was ill.
He passed away when Isna was just fourteen.
From then on, she honed her skills alone, disguised herself as a man, and became a mercenary who slayed monsters.
The terror she felt when she was attacked—the overwhelming sense of violation—was unimaginable.
From that day on, she couldn’t allow herself to be close to men.
She had never even fallen in love before.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
“Hey. What’s with that look on your face?”
“Hm? Oh, I just had another weird dream.”
“The same one again?”
“Yeah, more or less.”
Isna responded to Zagan’s voice.
There were dreams she sometimes had—vivid ones she could remember clearly at first, but they would quickly fade.
(Damn it! I don’t even remember it clearly, and yet I know it’s affecting me. That version of me in the dream… And why the hell am I getting nervous around him of all people!?)
Isna was irritated.
“Watch out, Isna!”
Zagan’s sudden shout brought her back to reality.
She hadn’t noticed how thick the monster’s presence had become.
(No way… Is it affecting my senses too!?”)
“They’re coming,” she whispered.
Her three teammates all reacted to her voice. Zagan’s gaze grew sharp.
Of the four of them, only Isna and Zagan could sense the presence of monsters.
It was a rare ability.
Suddenly, there was a deafening whoosh, and a massive axe came crashing down toward her.
Isna closed her eyes and focused all her senses.
Just before it hit her, she leapt in the opposite direction of the swing, narrowly dodging it.
BOOM!
The axe slammed into the ground where she’d stood moments before.
She flipped midair and landed gracefully.
The axe blade alone was taller than she was.
A bipedal, lizard-like monster emerged from the direction the axe had come from.
It had been terrorizing nearby villages, kidnapping people.
“All right, let’s do this!”
Among the four, Isna was the strongest.
But she knew… Zagan was even stronger.
The monster swung its long, hard tail toward them.
Isna jumped, dodged with ease, and sliced off one of its arms in a single motion.
“Isna’s amazing! So cool… But Zagan is just… wow.”
Even after waking, my heart was aching with longing for him.
Though Isna and the others had defeated one monster, the dream continued over several nights.
More monsters appeared—again and again.
Eventually, they realized they’d been led into a trap. Someone who disliked Isna for being a woman had set them up.
By then, Isna and her team were exhausted and severely wounded.
Only she and Zagan were still alive.
“Isna! Look out!”
Too tired to dodge, Isna was moments away from being struck.
They had been driven deep into monster territory—surrounded, nowhere to run.
At the last second, Zagan threw himself in front of her and took the hit.
Blood sprayed from his body.
Even Zagan couldn’t withstand it—he nearly collapsed.
Isna caught him in her arms.
She scanned the area, quickly.
She had the ability to teleport short distances, but using it drained her energy dangerously fast.
Still, clutching Zagan tightly, she used it.
They appeared in what looked like a cave.
No monster presence—for now.
“Why did you do that?”
“Did you think I’d be happy you got hurt saving me?”
Isna’s voice shook.
“In the end… I still wasn’t enough for you…”
“Sorry I yelled. I have one healing herb left. If you chew it and swallow, it might ease the pain.”
“No… I’m done. You use it… for yourself.”
Zagan’s strength was clearly fading.
“Then I’ll force it down your throat.”
She crushed the herb between her own teeth, then passed it to him—mouth to mouth.
“Guh…”
Still, Zagan managed to swallow.
“Our first kiss… and it’s like this, huh?”
“If you can joke, you’re fine. You’ll be fine.”
“You know better than that. This won’t save me. It’ll just let me live a bit longer.”
“Don’t say that. You’ll be okay. You have to be…”
Zagan’s head rested in her lap.
Her face was tight with grief.
Zagan had never seen her like this before.
“Let me say this… I knew you were a woman from the very start. And from that moment… I loved only you.”
“Please don’t say ‘last words.’ Don’t die. Please… I’ll do anything, just don’t die…”
“It’s harder seeing you in pain…”
“Stop talking. You’ll use up your strength.”
But her own energy was nearly gone too.
“If I die, I’ll find you again. I’ll recognize your soul. You know I can.”
“Yeah… but you’re not going to die.”
“You need to escape. This is a monster nest. Go—while you still can.”
“No. I won’t leave you.”
Isna had left comrades behind before.
She knew what it meant.
Sometimes, sacrifice was necessary.
“Don’t be selfish. Please… I really can’t hold on much longer…”
“I’m sorry for making you suffer. But if that’s the case… then I’ll stay with you.”
“You know what that means?”
“I do. And I’ve made my choice. I’m staying, to the very end.”
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
I woke up with tears soaking my pillow.
Isna and Zagan had been killed by the monsters—
probably even eaten, like their other teammates.
They died together, unable to take revenge on the one who had trapped them.
And now, I was left with a crushing emptiness.
I had lost both my other self, the one I loved so much… and Zagan.
A few months later, I moved to a new city.
I had decided to take on a new job—one I’d always been curious about.
And I chose to live closer to that job.
But the emptiness never left me.
Still, I wanted to be strong, like Isna.
That desire drove me to make such a big change.
My new home was closer to the sea, so I started going there sometimes—
trying to fill the void inside me.
“Isna… Zagan…”
I softly whispered their names.
Standing alone on the beach, after sunset.
Soon it would be summer, and the beach would be full of people again.
I’d probably stop coming for a while.
“Zagan…”
I called his name just a bit louder.
No one was around.
The waves would drown out my voice anyway.
“Yes?”
A voice answered—
from behind me.
I spun around instinctively.
Standing there was a man who looked exactly like Zagan.
There had been no one around. I was sure of it.
And yet, here he was.
“Isna? It’s you, isn’t it?”
I couldn’t speak.
I just shook my head.
I’m not Isna. I’m me.
“But… you called my name. A name no one else could possibly know. That soul… it has to be Isna’s.”
Soul?
Isna’s soul?
“Soul reading…?”
I murmured.
“Yes! You are Isna. Only she knew about my ability to read souls.”
Even his voice was the same.
“My name is Hina. I’m not Isna.”
“I know… I’m sorry. You’re not Isna. But you were her. I’m sure of it.”
“Are you… Zagan?”
“I was born in this world, in this body—with his face, his voice. Only my name changed. But I retained Zagan’s memories from the moment I was born.”
He told me that, as a baby, he had known everything—
he just couldn’t speak or walk.
As he grew, he slowly accepted his new life, his new name.
But he never stopped searching for me.
For Isna.
Though the sun had set, the road behind us was lit by passing cars and nearby buildings.
I could see his face clearly.
“I’m not Isna. I’m not strong like her. I’m completely different. Even if our souls are the same, you’ll probably be disappointed if you were hoping to find her.”
Even our faces were different.
Isna was more beautiful.
Her body, too—slim and athletic.
“Even so… I want to be with you. Is that okay? Do you not want that?”
I shook my head.
Of course not.
I had wished for this for so long.
“Thank goodness. Then… even as just friends, please let me stay close. I’m not asking to be loved in return. My feelings for Isna were never fulfilled. I don’t expect them to be now, either.”
His expression was tinged with sadness.
“I-Isna really… cared about you as a friend.”
“I know.”
He smiled—the same smile I’d fallen for.
“That’s not all. By the end, Isna had fallen for you. I know, because I was her. There’s no mistake.”
His eyes widened in surprise, then he grinned even brighter.
“Thank you. If that’s true… I’ve never been happier.”
I knew I’d never surpass the Isna inside him.
He would always see her in me.
But still…
“So, you should be grateful to me, you know. I fell for you first. That’s what melted the ice around Isna’s heart.”
“Huh? Really?”
“Yep.”
I looked away.
I probably had a bitter look on my face.
Jealous of my own past self—how silly.
But then, he pulled me into his arms.
“Thank you. Hina, and Isna. I couldn’t protect Isna… So now, I want to protect you, with everything I have.”
“But I’m nothing like her. You’re going to be disappointed, I promise you.”
He stepped back and looked me in the eye.
“I won’t be. My soul is drawn to yours. Soul readers can only love those with a soul they resonate with. So no matter what kind of person Hina is… I will never be disappointed.”
Come to think of it…
He had said something like that to Isna once, hadn’t he?
“What’s your name in this world?”
“Soma.”
“Just so you know, I’m pretty needy. I like to be pampered. I’m emotionally dependent. You sure you’re okay with that?”
“Of course. I’d be thrilled if you’d lean on me a lot.”
And with that, Soma gave me the same radiant smile.
And my heart…
finally began to feel warm again.
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The Storytelling Wolf
